Fix a Heart.

 

One day she finally grasped that unexpected things were always going to happen in life, & with that she realized the only control she had was how she chose to handle them. So, she made the decision to survive using courage, humor, and grace. She was the queen of own life and the choice was hers. 

So Broncos lost, don't worry Eric Decker..I still love you.Plus Eric, you also have a hot wife named Jessie James and she is about to have a baby so you basically already won at life. What a horrible feeling right? To lose the Superbowl...to actually only get one touchdown and to get a 2 point inversion. I mean at least they made it that far. Honestly, that's all that matters. It's not about winning, it's about the opportunity. What about Peyton Manning? How old is he now? Oh well, I suppose if he is happy still playing I am happy for him. Besides the point I got a really kind email from a total stranger yesterday named Elizabeth who is 15 and she has been an avid reader of my blog that is less than a week old. So I guess it isn't that avid; ANYWAY.

Elizabeth asked me about my story, not just my thoughts. But she wondered who I was and why I thought the things I did. She thanked me for the 'kind reminder that she wasn't alone' which if we are being totally honest made me cry. She asked me if I had ever had my heart broken and how I recovered afterwards. She asked about the dark side of my life and the less positive side that I didn't show. Now why she is so curious about me and that part, I won't ever know; but if I can be some sort of beacon of hope for her life and the heartache that she is dealing with then I am happy to be honest and disclose a part of me that I don't often share.

So for the few of you I don't bombard with this like and read it out of pure please and don't know me. So here I go, I guess I'm just going to make a list of things. I suck at this. 

 

So this is me. 

1. I'm 20 and I feel like that is an incredibly awkward age and I do not enjoy it.

2. God is seriously the best and my faith is very important to me.

3.I have the best friends in the entire world and I have never doubted that for a second. 

4. Photography is where my heart is at. 

5. I love people, regardless of how much I say 'I hate people' I love them. 

6. I love One Direction and Keeping Up with the Kardashians.

7. Disney World is my favorite place in this entire world. 

8. I have every intention of living in London one day. 

9. I look up to My Mom so so so much. 

10. I'm a lover not a fighter. 

So I don't know if any of the above was the least bit interesting but that's that. Now to the serious stuff.

My story, I feel like it's excessively long and not so important, let's just say that I grew up a lot quicker then other kids did at the age of 12. I'll also add that having a huge family and like 1000 cousins and great friends helped with the trials and tribulations I did have as a teenager. The past is the past and yeah, it may write a story for you and shape you into the person you are today but no matter who you are; your past in no way defines you.

I always try and I guess kind of romanticize the positive in life just because it's so much easier to see the negative in everything. I think my generation was taught to be 'problem solvers' so I strongly think that we look for problems to fix, problems that weren't there before we made them. That's so scary. So although many people think that I am 'Fake' or am 'full of it' because I try to be happy all the time and come off all bubbly, that doesn't mean in any way my life is perfect.

Have I ever had my heart broken? Yes. I think whether each of us owns up to it, we all have. It's hard to admit that you allowed yourself to be so vulnerable to put yourself in a situation where your heart can get hurt. I mean it's embarrassing having to admit that your hurting for whatever reason, it's hard to say it out loud. It sucks when you put your trust in someone and they break it when you had every reason to believe they wouldn't. Now, you think heartbreak you think 'oh my boyfriend cheated on me'. Well trust me I know that blows. But your heart can break from anything really;

• Your best friend in the world stops being friends with you. 
• Your parents get a divorce and you were taught from observation that not much of anything ever works out. 
• Someone close to you passes away and you weren't given that chance to say goodbye. 
• Your boyfriend breaks up with you because he found someone else who would put out 

I haven't been through half the crap that everyone else has been through and I'm sure my problems could never compare to some of yours. But if I have learned one thing growing up, it's that no problem is ever to small to ignore. I have had my heartbroken and that list above is just a list, it doesn't mean that you're wrong for being hurt over something that isn't on there. 

How I recover from heartbreak? A lot of girls nights and a lot of action film. Something I don't think people realize is that there is no time limit on how long you're allowed to be hurt. Once something happens that affects you in a big enough way, I believe you take it with you everywhere. If someone says "you're still talking about that? I think it's time to move on." and it totally belittles what you went through. Don't get upset at that person, they didn't go through what you went through. They don't know how many days you slept in cause you were to emotionally drained to get out of bed. They don't know the relationship you had with whoever hurt you, they might have observed it;but they never knew it the way you did. Give them a free from jail card because that person who said that probably just wants the best for you. Trust me. 

Give yourself as much time as you need to heal. But respect yourself enough to know that you deserve the best in this life. 

Dear Elizabeth & anyone else this may concern,  

   You're loved regardless of what people may tell you. Don't doubt your worth and your reason for living because as weak as you may believe you are, it took gut to message me and ask for an entry about heart break. This boy that you're hurt over, allow yourself to feel what you feel now. Yeah, it sucks a lot...and as you get older you are going to realize that boys suck. I'm 20 years old, and they still are confusing as ever. But I can promise you one thing, that boy you are hurt over right now...he isn't even going to matter five years from now. You're beautiful and High School sucks for everyone at some point. You have purpose and you are way too young to think you won't amount to anything. I don't know who told you that you're not special and unworthy of love...but they have no idea what they are talking about. You asked me for solid advice about what you should do now. Honestly Liz, I don't even know what I'm supposed to do now. At 15 my heart was broken and if I could go back and tell myself what to do I would say, 'love yourself more than the idea of wanting everyone else to love you.' You is what matters, not the stereotypes. Work hard, get involved, find friends that are going to stand by you through the future heartbreaks that you will have. But love yourself most of all. 

xxxo -Ashley.

So that's that. I'm sure when you read this you had one particular heartbreaking situation going through your mind. First of all, I'm sorry that happened to you. So take this moment and try to look at things differently. Be happy as hard as it may be. Realize that no problem is too small. You're not wrong for being heartbroken and you deserve the best. Look for the beauty in every situation, no matter how ugly it may be. Everyone and everything has a good quality, it's just a matter of finding it and being open to the positive side of it.